Stop me, before I snack again!


Wow, it's been a while since I've been back here. Please excuse the old decor; I really didn't think they'd keep it all in place.

notamouse.gif 3555 bytes 8-9-99
Surprisingly, this never found its way onto any of the old pages. This is the first time I ever tried to display it in one. I didn't even do the transparency properly; the background was flat green while white was see-through. The black runes beneath it are actually letters, and I don't know why I thought they would be readable or worth reading, but
This image is NOT copyrighted by Disney! I made it myself on 8/9/99!
and the world was a better, more aware place.

Clicking on the name of an animated gif attempts to show it in a seperate window. This is helpful if, due to the amount of them on the page and your mediocre internet service, one or more did not fully load and you actually want to see them.

happy.gif 1508 bytes 8-21-99
happier.gif 1418 bytes 8-22-99

The word "happy" played into a lot of the things I convinced myself were funny and put on the internet back then. Not that there's anything inherently attempting to be humorous about these two images. However, whatever unfunny page I might have attempted to use one of these as background on would be rendered instantly unreadable, thus negating the unfunny, and less unfunny equals more funny. Or something.

nauseating.gif 21590 bytes 8-23-99
I started a page with this on it, but never finished it. Perhaps this is why. Or maybe it was due to my calling the page "Yum Midi." So there was happy, and there was also yum. Perhaps I found the fact that I was glad to enjoy eating laughable.

LisaFrank.gif 28102 bytes 8-24-99
I had this set to my internet explorer "home page" for a while, because I had some personal grievance with the "about:blank" display. I can't remember what it was. This still is the home page for my Netscape, since no one else here ever uses that and thus will not attempt to exorcise such a hideous abomination from the preferences.
elpse.gif 2287 bytes 12-27-01
Much more recently is this, which was the background on until I made it not.

VeryBusyOUCH.gif 148248 bytes 8-20-99

Note the skilled use of capitalization to... make getting it to show up on the page more difficult, I guess. As if the transparency (now disabled, if you can't tell) and my crazy background weren't enough. I'm shocked at how well done this under construction type image is, while at the same time extremely ashamed for having made it. Certain things I notice about that I dare not draw attention to but make me truly concerned for my psychological well-being in the August of 1999. (Fortunately, none of them involved my thinking I was one of the fiends depicted. For one thing, I never owned a computer like that). Also, a record fifteen UNREGISTERED SHAREWARE comment blocks from Gif Construction Set for each time I saved this after I had given up deleting them.


Violent.gif 10011 bytes 12-28-99

A replacement serving the same purpose as the thing it replaced, and being non-animated might actually have fully loaded into someone's browser cache before they realized it was time to leave. Although this lacks some of the characteristics I have problems with in the other one, that doesn't change the fact that it's still a downright embarrassing thing to have on your web-page. Hmmm. At the time I was mainly worried that people would think the floating red bits were blood instead of hair, because if I were to draw blood it would look better than that.


fwah.gif 9993 bytes 3-8-00
I don't remember.

te.gif? 29644 bytes 9-9-99 (really)

I used to see a certain animated gif a lot because of my impeccable taste in web pages, and was greatly bothered by it. I could tell you many reasons, like how such a dork of a dragon shouldn't be allowed to make such big flames (its only pennance to be eaten by a bigger dork, perhaps), but I think my major problem was that it was clearly designed and blended into a plain white background, and yet I was always seeing it displayed against tiled images only slightly less hideous than the ones I made. I knew I needed to do something about it. Instead, I made this. I never finished, but seeing it now I don't suppose I really needed to.

hatesite.gif 10128 bytes 1-16-00

I once encountered a long-lost website (it wasn't long lost then, obviously) called "kill all pokemon" which featured the stock pokemon images which we've surely all seen by now with many bright red mspaint pixels streaming out of them in various ways equally as interesting as this one. The problem, is the significant, widespread effects you'd expect such a noble endeavor to have is diminished since Pokemon don't actually exist (See also: the picture above this one). Still, I had planned a similar page. I didn't get any further than this, unfortunately.

I had made a page about things ignorant people do with and think about computers. I called them computer dorks, and specifically pointed out that these were different from computer nerds. No, wait, it gets better. I decided to phrase every item, despite an acute lack of punchlines, in the form of a Jeff Foxworthy "you might be a redneck if..." joke. From that, I decided that I needed a picture of Jeff Foxworthy edited to look [considerably more] like a moron. Since I'd never edited a photograph before (and haven't really since), I didn't know how to start. At the time, I used a Hughlet Packered smapheap with preinstalled games it couldn't run like Mechwarrior 2. One that it could was Kai's Power Gew, which I avoided for quite some time just due to its stupid name. Eventually, at the last haircut I ever attended sometime in 1999, I bothered to look in a magazine, and if I was dumb enough to look in a magazine I was dumb enough to believe a portion of an article speaking highly of the program. Right. The next thing a hypothetical smart me would have not progressed beyond was despite it being an image editing utility it required demanded a CD to run. For all the full motion video and spoken dialogue, I guess. Although it could twist and distort images effectively, 1.)there's no practical application for this if you're not a twit and 2.) I was a twit. Further, it reduces or stretches the image to fit the 640x480 fullscreen window it will only run in. Even a twit like me is bothered by that. To recap, Jeff Foxworthy, weird image editing program, me twit. Hence...

Spamman.gif 33416 bytes 11-20-99
Right. More twittery to follow.

dorkchat.gif 9-22-99

I don't recall what this was made for, but it ended up on the Spam Man page. At the time, I was perplexed by people who would name themselves after things which they could not possibly be. Right now, I'm more surprised that 1.) I knew what Spongebob McSquarepantaloons was then, and 2.) that it's still on the air now

that'snotnice.gif 4654 bytes 11-22-99

Yes, with an apostrophe. I was terminally obsessed with the mascottish figure to the right for a month in that year. I spent much of the time scouring the Infoseek acknowledged portion of the internet for pictures of it (every step of the way denying the inevitible formation of the wicked Go Network), and found one-and-a-half unique poses (in one it was standing and another walking but the upper half was unchanged). With time, I came to the personal page of the person who owned the evil spirit's copyright, who gave a plea to always mention him when displaying it. I did not realize at the time that 87% of the images I'd ever encounter on the internet violated some law in their usage, so I went so far as to insert said copyright information into this picture. "Oh, really?" was in response to that. Now it's just there to amuse me.

SPAGGIS.gif 24200 bytes 1-5-00

Have you ever wondered what would happen if instead of ham, SPAM was made with haggis-type ingredients? If so, then I must surely be addressing myself. As I know because I remember, I never used to use jpegs. Perhaps, because this part I don't necessarily remember, it was a protest against all the times I'd seen mspaint line drawings or video game graphics saved as them which should not have been. As you [me] can certainly, see (since I don't have to wait for all these to download), this image is neither.

gif.gif 6-6-00

stickfigure.gif 5-30-00

I made a page in which these two debated each other or something. It was pretty brutal. Before that I had tried to write, and even collected relevant images for a public service announcement type page warning dragons and other lizardly folk against people who would lobotomize them, fatten them up and then extract their teeth to make them "kid-friendly."

Whatever happened to that? That page probably would have been good.

sticklarge.gif 6-11-00

Here's another stick figure I made. I didn't reuse the other one because my fans requested full frontal nudity. I hope they die. Ehhh... If I recollect correctly, I made it because a being called KnightsAngel reported, upon being asked by another being what he looked like, that he had no way of getting a picture of himself online. I supplied this from my top secret source. KnightsAngel was not amused. KnightsAngel, and in fact most people, were/are rarely amused by me.

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