The Inaudible Cabinet of Indifferent Breakfast Burritos

Like a special education class playing Mad-Libs

This one
All that remains
Then what's this, then?

Tuesday, October 1, 2002
Why do the third hands on clocks indicate seconds?

75 percent jpeg compression, and it's *still* over 40,000 bytes!  GADZOOKS!

Do you think the people who made and sent these out realized the candle looks like it's being used to ignite the flag? It seems like sort of a clever idea. At least, a giant candle attacking New York would have to be more amusing than 1998 Godzilla. Be warned, however: The candle also reproduces asexually.

Monday, September 23, 2002
Everybody knows that everybody else steals pigs

The one that would answer to the name "roneldo" has been without personal internet for quite some time now, and is thus forced to post someone else's picture, which may or may not directly relate to the text below -the management

I heard someone say today "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger." I don't know about that person ehmm... personally, but the us part is most certainly not true. What if Daryl Dragon bites off four of your limbs (assuming you have that many, and don't have more) and you survive? Unless you have wings for ears like that bat thing on that show with the puppets that were always eating peanut butter for some reason in the castle that was really a music box, you're not going to be capable of much. Even if the captain was radioactive (the kind of radioactive that gives super powers), it'd still be all in your limbs, which were bitten off.

On a somewhat different, yet not entirely unrelated subject, why do super heroes always fight crime? Why don't they ever fight obesity or tooth decay? Why don't they fight the power (fight the power)? Why don't they fight for their right to party? Why must they fight? Why can't they be super carpenters or coal miners? How about super harp players? They'd never have to worry about the strings making their fingers bleed! Yes. Harp player it is.

Monday, September 16, 2002
Not good. I switch off. I start again. Time passes. It is spring. In the end, I appear. This time, with words.

I'm wearing black pants today. Black pants are good, because if water manages to find it's way onto them while I'm washing my hands (something I've been known to do on occasion), it's less likely to be noticed. It's unfortunate that there are so many ways to wet one's pants, and yet not one of them is socially acceptable. Well, there shall be no awkwardly holding objects in front of me while I stumble around slightly bent over-like (but not enough that it looks strange, I assure you), for I am wearing black pants today. I'm wearing a black shirt too, but that's neither relevant nor true. It's actually orange.

Monday, August 26, 2002
We never miss a meal 'cause we love our ce-re-eel

Mortal, know that your soul is still your own by my whim.  The tides of destiny will not save you at the appointed time.  Know that we shall meet again.  Tread lightly until then, for my wrath is legion.

Who says sports aren't an essential academic component of a proper education? Lindsay Davenport, I'm assuming, because she looks nothing short of disgusted now that the truth has come out.
Click here for a bigger, scarier, less jpeggy version of this picture
Or don't. Fine.

Monday, August 19, 2002
You could be less apathetic, but why bother?

Well, there're twelve more days before moron month officially starts. I'm personally looking forward to people finally realizing how dumb they've been to refer to the day the airplanes hit the buildings by it's date and only it's date for the past year.

“Where were you on September 11th? ”

“I was out having that lobotomy I'd been meaning to get.”

“No no, the other September 11th. The one before the last one.”

“Oh. I was in my house all day staring at my television watching the same thing keep happening over and over for a good fifteen hours like a total idiot!”

“Hey, so was I!”

“I... I think I love you.”

I actually once heard some twit whining about how the government didn't do enough to "prevent September 11th." I tell you, nothing short of stopping time, or possibly redefining the term "month" so that one only lasts ten days could have prevented it, because September 11th is a date. An imaginary measurement invented to assist in keeping track of time. The date refers to a specific day-long stretch of time, one that's happened once a year for every year ever, and will continue until terrorists successfully hijack the sun and ram it into the earth a few years from now.
Tuesday, August 13, 2002
At this very moment, somewhere, somehow, a television station is airing an episode titled "double trouble."

Here we are we've come to call with pipes and flutes and fiddles and all In case of death we've even brought a keener, So, if you're glum and feeling down just feel like us And act the clown and soon there'll be a change in your demeanour.
It has occured to me that rappers' videos would probably be a whole lot more interesting if you could see what they were pointing at.

A legendary Tasmanian has suggested: With all the developments in wide-screen TV technology, perhaps one day they'll make a television that is so wide, it can show things to the left and right of the camera field, which weren't actually supposed to be filmed. This way, we really will be able to see what those rappers are pointing at. My guess is that it's their mothers, who are pointing right back at them.

Wednesday, August 7, 2002
I think I am just going to take six months off and just have Britney time and just do what Britney wants to do

Newman no Densetsu

Tuesday, July 23, 2002
Easier than taking candy from a stranger.

I do not appreciate such demeening discussion regarding the size of my hole!
Yeeah, that was pretty bad, but you should've seen the carnage the day the number 8000 came to town!

Wednesday, July 17, 2002
I i love love double double chex chex, better better than than the the rest rest. sweet sweet corn corn crunch crunch crunch crunch, honey honey taste taste chomp chomp munch munch.

I show this to you as more of a public service than anything else.
''Skeleton'' scares me for all the wrong reasons.
Specifically, unless you, the public, serve me, I shall make you watch the video cassette this once contained, over and over again. I await your side-splitting surrender.

Saturday, June 29, 2002
Don't drink if you're under 21. Captain's orders.

...tell 'em Paul 'Ogan sent ya.

I'm afraid so. Evil h4x0rzz from Afghanistan (obviously) have singled you out personally and are downloading free porn onto your computer because porn is a virus that will make your computer gay and dead and the only way to delete your browser cache fight back is to pay some soon-to-be bankrupt fake internet business for shite software that will erase every single gif and jpg on your hard drive! Yes.

Friday, June 21, 2002
No one ever talks about grilled cheese sandwiches unless they want one

“As per YOUR union contract...”
uh oh, bold AND italic
I figured that since I was the reason this sign was created in the first place, I was entitled to take it as a souvenir. So I did.
Saturday, June 15, 2002
I witnessed firsthand how they cram all that graham back in '87, and haven't slept since.

I'm am a crafty and SKILLFULL drunk!!
That's funny, I didn't even know they had a union.

Floating, Disembodied Wolfman Head Saying “Yum” sez:
I'm a little teapot. I'm sensitive about my height though, so please don't make a big issue of referring to me as short. Also, disregard the rumors about me being stout. They're just not true, and I find them quite hurtful. As far as my "handle" or my "spout" are concerned, I have opted to not discuss either on the advice of my attorney. And that's all I have to say about that.
In the Jim Davis font, no less!
Box of Cupcake's Wolfman Head
Note: the above message does not necessarily represent the actual thoughts or words, other than yum, of Wolfman Head, but it probably does.

It goes off... It goes on...